Treehouse/Home Depot Randomness

Jessica Alba at Home Depot!

On Saturday, Me and My Dad finally decided to just go for it and build a treehouse.

Me and My Dad were always talking about getting a bunch of wood and having a treehouse in the backyard. We figured since I’m getting older that we better just do it. Build the treehouse.

So the first thing we had to do was to go to Home Depot to get some wood. We needed like some two by fours and four by fours and some flat boards for the flooring. My Dad also said that we needed lag bolts with washers and nuts.

When we got to Home Depot it was really hard to park.

Then, we were walking in and there was this hot-dog truck thing in the front of the store. Everybody was eating hot-dogs. This whole family was eating hot dogs. Even the baby. I kind of wanted a hot dog.

Inside, we found the wood.

My Dad was looking at two by fours. One of those guys in an orange apron, an Old Guy, came by.

My Dad asked if they had quality redwood planking.

The Old Guy was like yeah maybe, and My Dad was all do they have quality redwood planking or not? The Old Guy said that he worked in the hardware department. Not wood. My Dad and the Old Guy reach a standoff.

My Dad asked him where the lag bolts with washers and nuts were.  The Old Guy told Me and My Dad to look around. He worked in the hardware department, and he needed to go there.

But, like, wasn’t lag bolts hardware? So My Dad was like all hey, dude, you work here at the Home Depot in general. You are here to serve me. My Dad was all up in the Old Guy’s grill. The Old Guy was like all red.

We looked at the wood. There was so much wood.

My Dad wanted to use redwood planking for the floor of the treehouse. Redwood is more naturally weatherproof, My Dad said.

My Dad thought he saw some redwood planking way up on the top in the wood area. We needed a guy to go up and reach it with like one of those cars that has a lifter thing that you can raise up and down. A fork lifter. Yeah. That’s what it’s called.

We needed a guy with an orange vest to help. I thought I saw one.

He was a really big and had an orange shirt on and gym shorts. But then he turned around and his shirt said “Denver Broncos” on it. He had a really big stomach. And his hair was kind of longish.

Then I wasn’t sure if he was a man or like an ugly lady who was going to have a baby. I never saw a guy like that before. I wasn’t sure if it was a guy or lady or what.

Anyways, My Dad was like, we’ll just go get the wood from the top ourselves. Me and My Dad went to the back where they had these big bags of cement, you know, next to where they keep toilet seats. There was a fork lifter there.

My Dad said that since he had worked for the Fire Department, he had a special clearance to drive any kind of vehicle he wants. So My Dad got in the fork lifter and turned it on by pushing the on button.

I wanted to hop in, but My Dad said not to because there might be insurance liability issues because I’m a minor.

My Dad backed up really fast. The fork lifter did that “beep-beep-beep” noise like they do when they’re in reverse. My Dad kind of backed into one of the bags of cement.

There was like this cement cloud everywhere.

Then, the Hot Dog Family I saw before came out of one of the aisles. The hot dog baby was screaming and it ran out in front of My Dad.

It could hardly walk. It was holding its hot dog in its fist. My Dad dodged it.

But the mom was all yelling at My Dad for nearly hitting her child.

My Dad knocked over some hammers and some cans of WD40 that were on display.

There was like a puddle of WD40. I had never seen WD40 in liquid form like this before.

My Dad actually drove by two girl workers, but nobody said anything. They were speaking Spanish.
They were not bad looking.

My Dad finally got the fork lifter over to the wood area where we were. My Dad really worked it. The gears or whatever.

He rose the fork lifter to reach the redwood planking on the top. Then, he pushed it forward to pick up the wood.

But the boards or planks or whatever were stacked all wrong or something. There was all this slippage. My Dad barely nudged them, and they started falling down from the top!

My Dad bailed out of the fork lifter right away. He did this total shoulder roll away, which was kindof dangerous because he’s got this mechanical back.

The boards bashed into the fork lifter and tipped it over. It must have thought it was in reverse, because it started making that “beep-beep-beep” sound again.

Then, from behind, I heard like this voice.

Then, I swear, that Denver Broncos guy who I wasn’t sure if it was a lady who was going to have a baby came walking up. He or whatever came there and was all, “Whoa, this is all jacked up!”

Totally, just like that: ‘Whoa, this is all jacked up!’

But now I could tell.

It totally was a dude!